Most people that I know would tell you they believe in one love. A lot of people I know also wonder about their soul mate & twin flame , or some are looking for Mr Right the Prince charming. Me? I always thought I was the ever faithful , loyal to a fault one man woman.
when did this change? And Why? Well the man I am married to had two poly amorous relationships when he was in his early 20's. I did not find this out until after our marriage. Actually My high Priestess & dear friend was the one he confided it to .
I remember freaking out!! I mean how could a man who had poly amorous relationships be ok with having just one wife & a monogamous marriage?!?! I had serious panic attacks. My X husband had cheated on me twice and that in n of it's own self had made me feel Not enough & not good enough. Knowing all that my current husband had done before he ever met me was making my head spin.
My husband assured me that I was enough for him, that although he had been poly that he was ready to settle down & be monogamous, and that his love & loyalty was only to me. there was a "But" though...and this but perplexed me. He had told me IF I ever found someone I was comfortable with that fit into our lives that he felt it was my time to know n feel what it was like to feel so loved.
I myself never saw this happening , because it overwhelmed me. Well as the saying goes "Never say Never"
In our marriage my husband was fine with me having male friends on the computer, he wasn't the jealous type . While I had some male friends , seriously none of them was worthy or even qualified in my head as potentials for a relationship. For me anyone who entered into our life would have to care about my marriage , was going to have to realize they would never break my husband n I apart. they were gonna have to respect and be friends with my husband. No man would ever be able to do this....or would they??
Two years after my husband & I had our son I met a man on line, we began talking. He was a flirtatious soul but intelligent, witty & more so he was also Wiccan. We had some very amazing conversations . What we found between one another is a very treasured friendship. there were not many things he & I could not speak upon. From the moment I met him he was like family to my soul, familiar & kindred & amazingly comfortable.
I dubbed him my Wonder Twin. for near a whole year I thought of him like family. Yes there was flirtatious chemistry, but he had other online female interests & both of us needed friendship more then anything else.
My husband became friends with him though nothing like I was. As time went on though things began changing... the friendship began taking interesting turns .Where there was a profound friendship there began a pulling. I remember how it felt like a magnet pulling, and I fought it with every thing I had. I was not going to ruin my best friendship
I convinced myself that I was dreaming, having some sort of delutions. Certainly he would laugh if I told him what I was feeling. My husband though urged me to speak to my dear friend. It was odd & yet funny how I decided to handle my paranoia , I ended up writing a short story trying to weigh things out. I felt so sure he sould laugh at me & ask me what was I thinking and that he had way too much on his plate to think about getting involved with me....
What threw me was....He didn't do this. The man I felt was gonna laugh at me, pretty much opened his arms & pulled me in. I believe I felt speechless & like I was dreaming. The man I had been so afraid to tell that I had began falling in love with , basically was telling me he was having feeling about me as well . Our feelings were similar though possibly not identical but...we both had felt a pull.
What this turned into still to this day I must pinch myself over. My dearest male friend became my lover. Even to write this now I find myself shaking my head yet smiling , for I really would not have imagined this would be my life.
He & I met in March of 2011 when he came to stay with me & my family for 10 days....then he returned to Colorado where he lived, we continued to keep in touch.
Before he left he put an idea into my husband n my head.....moving
It did not take my husband as long as me to fully decide & after I had done some research on many things it was official we would be moving in 2012
At the end of June he returned again for a much longer stay ...a whole month, and we learned a great many things about one another..which would one day serve us well
I have a twice in a life time, at the same time. Two men who respect one another & have become very close friends, Love me. Not many get this in a life time, not all would dare to even try having this kind of a relationship for the fears of what could happen. My husband has told me his relationships were NOT like this one is. The relationship We have is Bonded we have known one another for 2 years.
I will not tell you there are never concerns or that we do not have problems from time to time as any relationship does...but communication has helped us & knowing there is love. My friend & lover has no title really that fit all that he is to me. He is my husband's dearest friend , like a brother & my son's Godfather....but for me no word antiquity describe all that he is. He is family though & I do love him as a life mate, I cherish all that he brings into my life...and to him & my husband I am loyal, I have no wanting for another & my heart is more full then I could ever have imagined
These men are my Life mates, their abiding friendship & love mean the world to me. they both complete parts of me as I do them, with them both I feel a great since of calm & completeness, with both of them I feel I have come home. they are supportive of who I am & they are both for my best as I am for them. There is far more to it then the mere sexual aspect. We are family & I am indeed blessed
No comments:
Post a Comment