The Empty Womb & Broken Hear & The LightThe Fallows After

So many times in life we take risks. We walk through the fire or have the trial of tears to come out on the other side stronger for doing so.
Looking through a journal I am brought to remember the loss of my little one. It was said by many psychic's that she was a girl, and her father and I felt her strongly as such.
Walking through the ashes of my past would mean walking through random things not always in sequence and remembering the place they held in my life and what I had learned.

Lilith-Eve Rhaianna, she was a dream , for so fleeting was my time with her. I remember hearing her little heart beat...surely no humming birds wings had ever beat as fast as her tiny heart fluttered. she was my hope to start a new. I felt with her a new beginning was opening up for me . But within the breath of nearly 4 months she left. 

My mourning  time felt so alone as not many seemed to understand. some felt that at age 39 surely I was too old to have a child, and this miscarriage was spirits way of telling me my time  of being able to bare children was  over.
My husband was not amongst these people though, he felt it was just not the right time.

At age 41 after a move to a new place I began writing this journal 
This was a dedication of love  while the miscarriage had broke my heart...this was my manifesting, my calling the spirit back .
I began journaling to Lilith Eve  and within three months I had conceived again. I was nervous and afraid to believe it but , all test confirmed it 100%. I took things so slow and careful.
and soon I began to see my tummy growing with life.
At nearly 8 months we finally found out the sex... I still feel some shame at how my heart ached when I found  out we were having a boy.

On the way out of the hospital I stopped in the bathroom to cry. I rub my growing belly talking to it as the tears streamed down my face...."Please, I whispered Please don't grow up like your brother, please don't hate me or be cruel to me  I will always try to do my best" 
I ever thankful for my friends & loved ones who assured me that this child would never be like my middle son, his genetics would be different &  I was a different person. 

I can not put into words what it is like to have lost a child through death  even IF you never ever got to meet their physical, never got to look into their eyes. The soul feels another soul when it lives within them...no matter if it moves or it  you never got to feel it. Again...The soul knows , the heart knows.....
Lilith-Eve made way for her little brother Payden she helped me heal .

When Payden was born streams of golden light filled me, he  healed a huge part of me and I am forever grateful he came.
He did not replace his sister, for she holds her own light. He did show me the circle continues. Spirit listens, allows you to heal and then opens a window somewhere to show you there is light.
So at age 42 I got my little one & indeed it is healing still. 

Love is precious and Chris & I are Blessed. In live you will know the empty times of wanting of feeling hallow in your heart...you will shed tears and grieve, but will also find the joy and light
After the rain comes the rainbow, I must remember these times to  help me find my courage for the next journey
Blessings of Light Upon your Path,
                                                      ~Indigosky